Making Music

"If a man makes a vow to the Lord, or takes an oath to bind himself with a binding obligation, he shall not violate his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth." (Numbers 30:2) 

I guess I'm on a roll. But if I'm honest, it would be accurate to say, it's God. He has my heart spinning. And for the first time in a long time, we're on to something. I know it's God, because its bigger than me. Why is it every time God wants me to do something does it have to cost more than I can afford? I'm in debt with life. I chase dreams I can't afford, but God always comes through. The money is always there, or is it? In the back of my heart, soul, and mind, I will always be in debt to pay forward the precious gift of a child in our family named Lera. It hurts to still be in debt four years later and realize she's not paid for. We have a $10,000.00 debt with Lifesong that we hardly touched paying back and it sucks. It drains the life out of me to no end that we have a daughter we can't afford. So when I wrote a book, I thought it would help make a return. I could make payments on our loan as well as help take care of orphans. Honestly, instead of that happening, We're getting deeper in debt. That's why I said I don't deserve to go to Women of Faith. But I still trust God wanted me there. If I'm real honest, on top of that, I want to go to Liberty. I stuck my feet in the water and applied, thinking I could win the contest. Same thing getting my book published, I entered it in the Women of Faith writing contest, but it didn't win. I could have said. Oh well, and left it unpublished, but I followed through because I believe orphans are worth it. We will probably be in debt the rest of my life, but at least I know our daughter has a home. She is safe in our family and I don't have to cry for her any more. But the tears still run down my face for the others in her orphanage who called me mama. How can I rest knowing they want a family too? 

So when God asks me to do something and even if I don't understand, I trust Him. I trust that He knows we can't afford to take on another task. We have a family to take care of. School starts next week and the kids need haircuts that we can't afford, along with they need school supplies. So if I trust Debbie, I would say, I can't afford to go to Liberty. But I'm not gonna let that stop me because I trust GOD! 

"May the Lord who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves, as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."      Romans 15:5-6   Dear God, we don't even have Internet in our house, but I trust if I'm gonna do an online course at Liberty we need that too. Help me dear Jesus, I am sunk without You. I will go to the library to do the online course if I have to. Just show me Your will, so I can obey.  My heart sings for You. Amen.